Prior to the scan
As a lot of you know I went in for a scan on Thursday. I asked for lots of energy, the healing type before hand, and was overwhelmed with the abundance coming my way.
The process all took place at Harley Street. Harley Street is well renowned for private healthcare care, well I think it is. I’ve had that thought since I was a kid.
Now because I’m on a trial, my care has been provided by the Sponsor, in this case the drug company testing the medication on human samples. Other ways to access most probably includes private insurance or personal money. The last two options ruling out the majority of the UK population in my opinion. Just the other day I read a report that said half the population in the the UK do not have £500 put away as savings. The divide is real, it is sad.
Before I went in for my scan I asked my doctor; ‘will I get the results next week?’.
He looked at me with a puzzled look; ‘Mo, this isn’t the NHS, if I get the result today, I’ll call you later. If not today I’ll personally call you tomorrow’.
It certainly wasn’t the NHS. Now I’m not demeaning the NHS whatsoever. I am grateful for the care and attention the NHS have provided and continue to do so. The support staff, the nurses, the doctors, so many of whom I have met over the past year or so, always stop and ask how I’m doing, when I see them on my routine visits. Even my initial oncologist (the one who almost frightened the life out of me) sees me and makes conversation with a smile. My surgeon, sees me from afar and waves at me. Memories I hold very dearly. Not to forgot my nurse friends who always ask me about the latest phones, with me having to declare my bias towards Apple Inc.
The service I have received at Harley Street has been phenomenal. The extra resources they have is obvious. They have comfy sofas in every room, they have a high end florist come around every Monday to replace the flowers with the latest offering. And even the gowns are a level up…
Friday came and I was getting on with the day with a bit of writing. The type that was just in flow (not this piece, which also feels as if its writing itself). But then the messages were coming; ‘have you had the results yet?’. Forget forgetting about the scan, the wait had begun.
Then the call came
‘Mo, its not good news’, how many times have I heard that before, I thought to myself. Maybe its in the doctors manual titled; ‘The best ways to let someone know its bad news’. I don’t know if such a book exists, but I do think it’s necessary, there are definitely ‘good’ ways to speak to a patient, I have been on the receiving end of some ‘bad’ ones.
He delivered his assessment. In short,
- There is growth in the existing Lymph Nodes (not good)
- There are new lymph nodes (not good)
- It is localised to within the LN, so hasn’t spread to the organs (good)
- We need a new plan
Absorbing the info
It hit me hard. Another blow had been struck.
Sitting in the corner of the ring, I was blowing my nose for the next couple of hours as the body released the emotion.
I am blessed with all the love and support that I have, yet part of me wanted me to just be with myself. And I respected that.
I felt angry. I wanted to pick up the glass of green juice in front of me and smash it on the kitchen floor. I wanted to order a greasy pizza and forget the alkalising. I acknowledged the anger, but decided I wouldn’t let the rage bring me down to my primordial instincts.
I eventually spoke to my wise man Dr Kim, and as always, he delivered in helping me see the bigger picture. And just this morning I spoke to my other wise man Mr Parker who also has an abundance of wisdom at his disposal. For completeness, I do have a third wise man, Leonard, and I will be touching base with him too.
I connected briefly with my closest friends and my awareness shifts once more to remember #EachDayAsItComes
I am alive, still. I have a healthy heart; the lungs, liver, kidneys etc are all clean. I have my senses, I have my dreams. I have my family, I have my friends, I have support from so many places. I have so much to be grateful for.
And so, I’m up again, back in the gym, training for each day of my life.
“I hated every minute of training but I said… Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion” (Muhammad Ali).
The breakfast of champions 🙂
Love and Gratitude,